the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
