Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
