Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
