i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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