I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
