hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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