I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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