I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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