please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
