Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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