Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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