im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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