Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
