cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
