Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
