Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
