a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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