some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
