grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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