gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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