Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
