Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
