Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
