I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
