My cat gives me a boner
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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