time to smoke my breakfast
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
