On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
