man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
