thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
