Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
