Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
