and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
