she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
