You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
