Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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