I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
