hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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