The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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