And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
