I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
