1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
