I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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