Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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