I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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