This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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