you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
