she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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