Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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