I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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