That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
