I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
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