yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
