Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
