his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
