I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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