There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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