He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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