I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
