I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
