apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
