Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
