Pappa wants mamma naked
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
