I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize