You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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