what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
