i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
