Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
