He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
