I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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