Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
