i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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