Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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