I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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