Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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